Sixth Confession: I watched the Fifty Shades Trailer

Fifty Shades of Clay 

The Fifty Shades of Gray trailer just came out... And I have to say that I am very disappointed that this "story" is being made into a movie.  

Now, I have never read this book... but I was told that it was "a great romance" and that I should give it a try.  During all the hype... like many women I was curious to see what it was all about.  I looked up book reviews by both Christians and non-Christians, naysayers and fans.  I watched a very funny Ellen parody video and I am sad to say I have read an excerpt from it.  So, I think even though I have not read the book I can very honestly give a fairly educated opinion on the work. 

First, let me say that I am not judging those who have read the book, but rather hoping to help women see how this book and movie can and will be harmful to them. So here we go...

What is Fifty Shade of Gray?  Well, it's the story of Christian Gray, a billionaire playboy who hires a young virgin assistant and brings her into a world of erotic bondage.  Through the story we find that Mr. Gray was actually abused as a child and this is why he has such "dark passions" and we find that the heroine, though scared by the actual torture chambers in the basement not only gives into the suggestions of her boss, but actually enjoys them.  The whole story is tied up with a big bow as they fall in love "for real" and he changes his ways... at least for the most part... Realizing that all he ever needed was the love of a good woman.  

Okay, so why do I have a problem with this... besides the obvious?  For starters, the idea that anything to do with BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadism, masochism) is a good romance.. Means that you don't actually know what a romance is. A romance, like a marriage, should be telling us the truth about who Christ is to the church.  It should be painting a picture of who Christ is...BDSM tells lies about what sex should be, what marriage should be and who Christ is Now, as a writer I do not always write perfect "Christ-like" characters, but still I realize that just like we are flawed people who are showing Christ to the world, I want my characters to do the same.  But this "story" promotes fear, pain and torture as being good, healthy and okay. That's not just a flawed character...that is telling a lie to the woman reading the book. 

Books and movies like these...tell women that they have to be a "porn star" to be loved and desirable. These stories make women believe that being lusted after is better than being cherished, that being used and dominated is sexy.  That pain is hot.  It is really just domestic violence wrapped up in pretty clothes.  It is dressed up as a sexy romance with a sweet ending, but the truth is REAL stories like this one happen and they don't get a perfect happy ending.  The truth is... That giving into the sexual lusts of our generation hurts your heart and your mind.  Stories like these are invading and they take no prisoners.  So then why are we letting them in? 

  

Partially, because it was a slow fade. For generations, books with bare chested men ripping bodices have been out in the open, on coffee tables and the tops of toilets.  This form of "Mommy porn" has always been acceptable. The fact that mother, or even grandmother was reading a harlequin was not only acceptable but it was laughed at.  Even though,  the world of "romance" has taken a turn for a darker side, it is acceptable for these books to be out on our nightstands. As our generation accepts the perversion of love, sex and marriage, more and more...even sweet ladies from your Sunday school class are falling victim to the slow fade. Why is this happening? Why is it so easy to fall into?  

To sum it up: It's just porn.  Clear and simple.  These "romance" novels are being used by women in the same way that a man may watch a video or look at a magazine.  It's a way to get away, feel good and either emotionally or even physically pleasure ourselves.  In my mind, I see no difference between reading a graphic sex scene and viewing one.
"Well, it's just a book"  you might say...   But many women who struggle with sexual addictions such as, sex addicts or porn and masturbation addicts admit that they can give up almost everything else but that the erotic romances stay on their kindles.  

Why is that?  Because as women we need to connect emotionally to something or someone.  A book is a great way to connect emotionally without having to deal with a real person.  Julio will always say the right things, do the right things and be the perfect man.  Where as your husband, boyfriend or your lack of boyfriend may not always be as appealing. But as we are fading into the gray, like a porn addict, women are looking for more graphic and harder stuff to fuel their fix.  The horror of this is, as books like Fifty Shades are becoming hugely popular there is a rise in women becoming addicted to pornography.  Therefore... stop lying to yourself... It's not just a book.  It's something that will hurt you...  The truth is, we are clay.  And we will be molded into whatever we allow into our minds.  Just like porn, these books and movies will invade your mind and will change you.  So ask yourself.. how are you being molded? 

My heart is for healing... Know that through Christ we can be clean and spotless again.  That we are His Bride and our innocence is sealed with Him.  Let's put down the "Mommy Porn" and the "Real" Porn and realize that we don't have to fall into the trap that is being so delicately laid for us.   

If you are looking to learn more you can check out the book, Pulling Back the Shades by Dr. Juli Slattery or Dirty Girls Ministries, which is a ministry for women struggling with sexual addictions.  

Fifth Confession: I am a survivor

One year ago, I lost my house in the May 20th tornado in Moore, OK.  

That was one of the worst days of my life.  

I remember the feeling of the wet grass on my sandaled feet as I walked 20 blocks into "ground zero."

The air was brown, it was so thick with dirt.  Random household object blew in the wind, hanging from trees and telephone poles.  Torn baby pictures littered the ground. 

People walked dazed, in shock: we were zombies in a horror film.  

As I got closer and closer to my house, I kept up hope, surely it would not be my house that was hit.  Surely, it would be okay.  

I will never forget the moment I rounded the corner and saw that the tree in my front yard was gone. That's when I knew.  

We, (two of my brothers and my sister-in-law) stepped up to what was left of the house and I bust into tears.  I now know what being in shock is like.  It feels like being asleep, but you aren't a sleep you are awake...But you keep thinking and hoping that what you are looking at is not real.  But it is real.  I don't remember a lot about that night... Just the wet on my feet and the tears.. Grabbing random things and trying to save them.  It is all the days after that I remember.  

Things I took from the storm: 

First, I am NOT a victim.  I am a survivor.  

Victims are those who let themselves be beaten by their adversaries. They let themselves fall prey to the monsters rather than fight them.  They let the storm conquer them, rather than conquer it.  I should know, before the tornado I was a victim.  I let my past dictate who I was.  But not anymore.  I am a survivor.  I slay the dragons and fight for what is true rather than let the Satan's lies hold me forever under his thumb.  Only by the grace of God can I say this... And Only in His strength. 

Second, 

I learned to let the small stuff go.  I lost most of everything I ever owned.  I still limit at times over the roses from my Aunt's funeral and the gift from my great-grandmother that I will never see again... But I have learned that all that "stuff" does not matter as much as the people that they reminded us of.  Yes, things are important and through this I learned how many things it takes just to be at all normal.  Socks, alarm clock, laundry basket... But those things can be replaced.  People cannot. Don't sweat the small stuff.  EVERYTHING can change in the blink of an eye.  Enjoy what you have now... And don't fight about stupid stuff.

Third, 

I have an amazing family. Before the tornado, I was so depressed and lonely, I just wanted to end it all and go home to Jesus.  

But through the storm He surrounded me with a huge family that showed me, He really is real. And He really is good. 

They enveloped me with love and ANY and every need was met. I am in awe at how loved I am and how many were willing to stand beside me as I shoveled out my life.  Not just because it was "the right thing to do" but because they truly loved me.  Those relationships have only grown since then.  "The flower grown in adversity is the most beautiful and fragrant of all" -Mulan 

Fourth, 

God is still good.  I spray painted this on the side of my house.  I wanted to make a statement, not just to the "tourists" but to myself... And maybe even to God that this would not take my faith from me.  As horrible as that time was and even with all the awful things that I saw and had to do and live through... I never doubted, or rather it was cemented in my heart that He is good.  A question that I had always asked... Was answered in one of the greatest tragedies, my town and state has seen.  How can that even be true... That these horrors showed me His goodness.  I don't really have a good answer to that... But just that He was faithful even in the storm.  He was faithful, even when this life was not. He showed His goodness through His people and through His rainbows... Through His Spirit in my heart.  He is good and that was echoed in the wake of the storm.  

Now: 

Now I see that God's whispered promise one sleepless PTSD filled night was true. 

"This will not break you, it will shake the pieces into place." 

The storm will rage and the wind will blow, but His peace is still louder. His arms are still stronger.  He is still good. 

Fourth Confession: I don't get the Gospel

Preach the Gospel to yourself?  This is something I hear a lot but I don't think I ever completely got.
Maybe we think it simply means when something bad happens we should remind ourselves that Jesus died for our sins. Right?
True, this is the gospel.  But how does that really apply to our sleep deprived days, our mind numbing waiting, our deep seeded and burning worries in the everyday of our lives?
Grace? Yes.   Mercy?  Yes.   Love? Yes.  But the Gospel?  How does it apply?

What if we are looking at it from the wrong angle?  There are some things that just putting a Jesus band-aid on wont really help. Some hurts that are so powerful or perhaps still so ordinary, that just saying "Jesus died," doesn't seem to fit.  You have to go deeper.  Not deeper than Jesus, but deeper than our superficial view of Jesus.

What He did on the cross effected more than just the moment of salvation... But our entire being.

In our relationships:
He looked down into eternity and saw a man and a woman.  His son and His daughter.  Never in their brokenness could they have loved each other enough to make it work.  Never could there have been much more than sorrow, pain and selfishness.  But in His great love for them, He reached out. Filled the space between them.  Cleansed the sins they commit.  Washed away the words they say to each other.  Covered the multitude of sins with His love.  And made it so that they could be together in love and friendship...Where they would have never been able to love each other in their own strength, He loved them enough to save them from themselves.

In our pasts:
A girl with scars on her heart.  From the ordinary brokenness of being human.  Taken in by a King who saw her as special and bore the scars of her sins for her.  He looked out into her life and took her in when no one else could see past the average girl. He makes her scars lovely as a testament of His own scars.  As a sounding board for truth, mercy and redemption. Because her everyday struggle, bearable though it may seem, was not where He wanted to leave her.

In the very act of sin:
The person watching the pictures on the screen.  Seeing things that should never be seen.  Longing to stop, longing to stay.  He reaches out into that moment claims them again, as His own.  Washing them clean as if today were the first day of their new-birth.


What Jesus did was not just for a moment and then it is gone.  He is outside of time.  Grace is bigger than that.  What He did, who He is, lives with us in each moment.  In the triumphs and failures, grace is sufficient and the Gospel reaches out and covers so much more than just a prayer we say on our knees when following Jesus sounds like a nice idea...The Gospel follows us to that time when it sounds like anything but a nice idea.  When following is the hardest thing you can do.

Jesus.  My Jesus is more than just a God who died.  He is a God who lives.  A God who lives with me.

Joy Dare: 3 Gifts Round

I have decided to do Ann Voskamp's Joy Dare.  

It is a challenge to look for extraordinary gifts in ordinary days.  I am starting late, (yesterday was my first day), but I think it's going to be great!

So here was yesterday's gifts: 3 gifts round.  

I guess this could mean literally finding round things, but I went with finding three things that were the same.  And I found 11's.  

Now, first I should explain about the 11's.  In 2011, I was struggling with the idea of whether or not God was actually in control. Is He really sovereign?  In this time, I started to notice 11's everywhere.  Every time I looked at a clock it was something: 11, I caught 11:11 very often.  This made me realize that if The Spirit could be in control of when I glanced at a clock, so that for months it was always something: 11 o'clock, then He could be in control of everything.  Since then 11 has been a symbol to mean "God is in control."  And those of you who know me, know they show up everywhere.  I know that Jesus has used this over and over and over again in my life.  So much so that there is no denying that a higher power must be in control of it.  

So yesterday, the first day of my Joy Dare, I put the little print off calendar that Ann offer's on her website (see) https://s3.amazonaws.com/a.voskamp/BlogFiles/JoyDareCollectionFinalRevision.pdf  on my computer screen and just as I was taping it up I glanced at the clock, it was 11:11am.

 I realized that I had already noted 9:11am.  Three gifts round... Three gifts that are the same... To show faithfulness, to show consistency, to show unfailing love, to show that I don't have to be in control.  I went on to find two more 11's in unexpected places, and the day, though hard and boring and long... Was not bad, but good, because He was still in control of it.  

 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  -Jeremiah 29:11

Third Confession: I am a User

Over the past few months I have been struck by the idea that we should not use God.  That WHO He is and who we are to Him is so much more important than just someone or something to make us feel better or look better or even be better.  

I wrote this in my journal yesterday: 

(Praying) 

"I want You to be more than just 'useful' to me, to make me good, to make me successful, to make me free, to make me healed, to make me beautiful, to make me safe, to make me fed, to make me clothed, to make me happy.  I want You to be my reason to get up in the morning and why I fall asleep at night.  The reason that I breathe.  I want You to be my True Love, not the world, not myself, not anyone, but You."

I realized that I have been using God as a way to feel better, be good and be successful, but that's not what this life is about.  That's not the reason that Jesus spilled His blood and tore His flesh for us, not just so that we could be good little girls and boys with pretty straight teeth, and pretty straight lives, all in pretty little worlds with the newest cell phone... He died not even so that we could be free, (at least in the Americanized "happy" version of freedom). He died so that I could be with Him and He could be with me.   All those things, He will give us, (True Freedom, Joy, Goodness, Safety, Beauty), but He will give it through Himself... They are not His purpose.  Jesus and I are not so different in that... He wants to be loved for WHO He is not what He can give.  

Jesus is not a commodity, either. 

Second Confession: I am NOT a Commodity

Here is my thought, (and I don't really know what to do with it) marriage is not a way to "pimp" yourself out with a ring as payment.  

In our overly sensualized society, we have pushed so hard to make our young people stay pure that I think marriage has become an idol meant to save us from a life of lust and sin.  "Just hold out until you get married." But isn't that making marriage into our savior, not Jesus.  We are still selling ourselves to "get some," we just make sure to have a marriage licensed signed first.  

Marriage should be a way to glorify God by giving your life to another person, not a way to give our bodies "in a Godly way" so that we don't have to be lonely.  

So here is my Confession: I have been viewing myself as a commodity. Something to sell off to anyone at the price of a gold band.  I sell myself, you get my body and I don't have to be alone. All under the guise of a healthy God fearing union.   But what if I am worth more than that?  What if the guy is worth more than that?  

We are not just an avenue to get something, we are living breathing image bearers of The Great I AM.  We are children of the Most High King.  Marriage should never just be a way to not be lonely... It should be about love... and not the movie-ized, over romanticized, "you make me feel good" version of love, but the real true, sacrificial love that brings two lives together in actual relationship with each other and Christ.  

Now, really I am just 26 and I have never been married, so what do I know?  And my words seem flat compared to what I feel inside and want to actually say...But at the very least I know that I want to be loved for who I am and not what I can give.  And I want to love someone for who they are... 

And I know that Jesus just wants the same.    

  

First Confession: I Hate Blogs

I hate introductory posts.  The "Hello's" and "Welcomes," with just grand ideas in the beginning, that never seem to pan out in the end.  Really I hate blogging.  Hate having to be witty or brilliant so that others might find what I am saying as interesting. But I want a way to write out my thoughts, thoughts about who God is and who I am and how sometimes I fail, but He never does.  I want a place to be real, that it might bring someone a little spark of hope, in a world that is anything but hopeful sometimes. 

"Dark, but lovely," comes from Song of Solomon 1:5, where the maiden says that her skin is dark from having to shepherd her flocks, but she says that she is still lovely.  I love this verse because I think that it shows who we really are.  We are "dark," we are windblown and sunburned from a world that only beats us down, but we are lovely because we are loved by a Savior who didn't see us as our failures.  Our beloved see us as lovely and so we are lovely. 

I guess this is just a way to say... "Here I a world, imperfect, but perfectly loved... Dark, but lovely."